


The Cocktails of Thedas

by BadgerBasher



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol, Except the mead, I Tested All Of These, Other, Please drink responsibly, Recipes, That's still aging, We Don't Have Spirit Healers, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25464280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadgerBasher/pseuds/BadgerBasher
Summary: Twelve of the fanciest cocktails and mixed drinks in Kirkwall and beyondTried and tested by anyone I could get my sticky hands on, approved by 9/10 dentists.Except the mead, which isn't quite ready yet. The basic recipe is tried and true.Please drink more responsibly than I did when making these.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Offerings of a Conspiracy — 2020 (brought to you by Mesopotamian RPF)





	The Cocktails of Thedas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ywain Penbrydd (penbrydd)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/penbrydd/gifts).



Welcome to the Cocktails of Thedas

Kirkwall Edition

***

Purple Hawke

40ml vodka

20ml blue curaçao

20ml grenadine

Dash Angostura Bitters

Sprite

Ice

_Instructions_

Add vodka, blue curaçao, and grenadine to a highball glass with ice (crushed or cubed)

Fill with Sprite or lemonade, add a dash of Angostura bitters, and garnish with a lemon wheel

***

Fereldan Ale

One can or stubby of local ale

_Instructions_

Crack can/stubby, pour into beer mug

Leave 30 minutes at room temperature, stir with metal spoon

***

Sensible Twin

Equal parts Aperol and

Prosecco

Bundaberg Ginger Beer

_Instructions_

In a chilled red wine glass, combine equal parts Aperol and Prosecco

Top up with Bundaberg Ginger Beer, garnish with orange wedge and sisterly concern

***

Darkspawn Emissary 

15ml Chambord

15ml blue curaçao

30ml vodka

Activated charcoal

Castor sugar

_Instructions_

Rim a double shot glass with activated charcoal and castor sugar

Add Chambord, blue curaçao, and vodka

**Activated charcoal can mess with any medication you are taking. If this applies to you, don’t use the charcoal. It’s just there to look cool**

***

Hightown Squatter

Bottle of aged red wine (Merlot, Shiraz, Claret, 5-10 yrs)

_Instructions_

Decant wine, allow to breathe

Apply empty bottle to far wall with vigour

Serve, unhurried, in crystal

***

Lattenfluss Lemonade

50ml ouzo

Juice of a freshly squeezed lemon

4 mint leaves

Honey to taste

50ml iced water (or to taste)

Crushed ice

Lemon wheel

_Instructions_

In a Poco Grande glass, muddle lemon juice and mint leaves

Add ouzo, honey, and stir until honey dissolves

Add crushed ice, water to taste, stir gently to combine

Garnish with lemon wheel and several fancy straws

***

Artemis, NO!

(Or, Bad Decision Sangria)

2 bottles Tempranillo or Rioja

2/3 cup dark spiced rum

1 apple, cored and cubed

½ orange, unpeeled, sliced

200g strawberries, washed, hulled and sliced

½ cup honey or demerara sugar

1 ¼ cup pulp-free orange juice

Additional orange, apple, and strawberry segments

Tiny umbrellas

Ice

_Instructions_

To a large punch bowl, add fruit

Add orange juice and rum, stir to combine

Gently pour in wine, stirring as you go

Mix through honey or sugar to taste

Add ice, garnish lavishly

Serve in punch cups with tiny umbrellas

***

Fadewalker

15ml Malibu

30ml Midori

30ml citrus vodka

Mint leaf

Sprite or lemonade, if desired

Ice cubes

_Instructions_

Clap the mint leaf, place in the bottom of a chilled lowball glass.

Add Midori, Malibu, and citrus vodka

Top with ice

If you prefer a longer drink, use a highball glass and add Sprite or lemonade to taste.

***

Bums on Beaches

One beach (sub. riverbank, creek, lakeside)

Sunny day (sub. any day you like)

Bottle rum (any)

Good friend or two

_Instructions_

Sit on beach next to friends

Share bottle of rum

Bask in weather

If you are currently social distancing, stay 1.5m apart, and drink your own bottle. We don’t have spirit healers, yet.

***

Warden’s Vengeance

40ml ouzo

10ml blue curaçao

10ml iced water

Olives

Toothpick

_Instructions_

Stick olives on toothpick

To a chilled martini glass, add blue curaçao, ouzo, and iced water

Garnish with toothpick of olives

Relish the horrible hangover this will give you.

***

Alvarado’s Bathtub Bootscreech

500ml moonshine, diluted to 50%

2 cups whiskey

2 cups rum

_Instructions_

In a large jug, combine moonshine, whiskey, and rum

Stir

Drink, carefully.

Note: If you are distilling your own moonshine, please ensure a) this is legal in your locality and b) that you have poured off the methyl alcohol. Methyl alcohol will kill you. You may wish to distill more than once to ensure a pure batch – keep your still temperature steady. If you are purchasing your moonshine, again, please check the legality of this, and be sure you trust your moonshiner to have distilled a safe batch.

***

Chasind Sack Mead

4 cups raw local honey

8 cups spring or distilled water

7g ale or mead yeast

2 red apples, sliced

2 black teabags

3+ months

_Instructions_

In a large saucepan, bring half the water with the teabags to a rolling boil

Pour the honey into a 2.5l carboy, then remove the teabags from the boiling water.

Add the hot tea to the honey, and stir until the honey dissolves

Add the sliced apples to the carboy, then top the carboy up with the remaining cool water. Leave a few inches gap at the top

Wait until the mixture is room temperature, then add the yeast.

Screw in a brewing airlock to the carboy, and set in a warm place to begin fermentation.

In a day or so, tiny bubbles should be visible. Taste this after a week.

After two weeks, strain out the apples. Replace the airlock and leave until no more bubbles appear.

Once the bubbles have stopped, the mead has stopped fermenting.

Remove the airlock, close the carboy, put it somewhere cooler and let it age for at least three months.

The longer you age this, the deeper and richer the flavour, but there will be less sweetness. Much like watching Father go to war, never to return.


End file.
